When Good Intentions go Wrong

I was only just big enough to carry the tea tray and I decided to make breakfast-in-bed for Mum. Maybe it was her birthday or Mother’s Day, I’m sure it was some special occasion.

Being old enough to work the toaster (that was my usual breakfast time chore) I could get the toast just right – crispy but not burned. Mum was always stingy with the jam and so I loaded up the toast with the amount of jam I thought was ideal, and added a bit more because it was a special occasion. There was probably more jam than toast by the time it was ready.

I wanted to make coffee but wasn’t allowed to touch the kettle so I had to make it with tap water and that would be fine because Mum often said her coffee had gone cold whilst she was cleaning up after everyone. She always drank it anyway.

The tray was too difficult to handle going up the stairs and everything kept slipping about so I had to wake Dad and ask him to help. I can picture Mum’s face as she nibbled the corner of the sticky toast and sipped at the drink around the coffee grounds floating on the surface. She told me it was the coffee for the percolator but that it didn’t matter. I thought I had done something wrong, that the percolator was some esteemed visitor, like the rent man, who had special coffee just for him. I made a complete mess of it all, but everything was done with the best of intentions and Mum knew that.

This also shows how the mind works. The conscious mind can handle new scenarios by building on what it knows from similar events in its experience. Depending on personality type, some people will change the way things are done when they get a chance to improve an existing procedure. If we meet an obstacle, most people will exercise problem-solving skills by working around it and then justifying what they’ve done. And most of us know when we can’t manage alone so need to ask for help.

And finally, even though it often gets things wrong by being over-protective, or reaching the wrong conclusions, the mind always works with the best of intentions: it’s protecting us.

So, when you feel pain, it is your unconscious mind telling you to rest. And when you have a nightmare, it is an unresolved problem being sent back for analysis or resolution instead of filing away. And when you have a phobia or panic attack, it is your mind trying to prevent you from going to a place it sees as potentially life-threatening.

If its over-protective then the worst thing is to ignore it – just like ignoring your mother when she is giving you a warning about something, she just nags more often and louder, doesn’t she? So the solution is to acknowledge the warning and then decide for yourself if you need to change anything. And if the nagging continues, let me know. I can show you how to turn down the volume without ignoring the valid warnings. The mind is just doing its job, with the best of intentions.